Site Logo
Looking for girlfriend > Russian > Is it ok that my boyfriend has female friends

Is it ok that my boyfriend has female friends

Site Logo

Keep My Guy , Understand Men. The real question at play is this: can a man and a woman be friends without an undercurrent of romance? As with anything else, the answer to this question depends on who you ask in a scientific study. While the movies have pursued this more than social science has, still, we have a little bit of data we can examine to find an answer for you. I often say that I make no apologies for my gender and this is no exception.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Can Men And Women Just Be Friends?

Content:
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Can your boyfriend have female friends ?

10 signs you should be worried about his female friends

Site Logo

By using our site, you acknowledge that you have read and understand our Cookie Policy , Privacy Policy , and our Terms of Service. Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for people looking to improve their interpersonal communication skills.

It only takes a minute to sign up. My boyfriend and I have been together happily for two years now. We both love each other very much and we're always growing closer.

We're planning to move in together in a few months, but for these whole two years we've always had one underlying issue. My boyfriend has always had close female friends. It seems no matter where he goes or what he does he's always befriending more girls. I know that he would never do anything to hurt me on purpose, but I can't help but be afraid that he'll unknowingly cross some emotional line and become too close to them. I've tried to bring this up with him, but he always acts defensive and the conversation ends up going nowhere.

He'll use arguments scarily similar to the ones being made in this question though not nearly to that extent. How can I successfully let him know how I feel so we can have a productive conversation about boundaries without him immediately getting defensive? My ideal goal from a conversation like this would be to compromise on boundaries between him and other girls. Again, when I've tried this in the past by being straightforward he gets defensive and asks me why I can't trust him to be smart about these things.

From my perspective, it seems like he should have respect for me enough not to put himself in potentially compromising situations like for example, being alone with a girl in her apartment or her room. First off with how you are talking to us about it you are framing it as a confrontation. Which is exactly what you said you want to avoid.

If you go into the conversation looking to confront your boyfriend then you are framing it as a hostile or argumentative meeting which basically requires him to be on the defensive. Think about what your actual goal for the conversation is. Is it to have a confrontation with your boyfriend, or do you want to not feel insecure about their female friends?

This segues well into my second point. You've already had conversations like this before. Your boyfriend already knows how you feel about their friends.

If the goal was simply to let him know how you feel, you've already done that. It seems to me like the conversation is more about trying to get him to establish some boundaries with his friends. When talking to partners about my insecurities I've found it helpful to have a solid understanding of my goal for having the conversation before starting. The easiest way to not make your partner defensive when starting a conversation like this one is to use I statements.

These are statements of the form "I feel [feeling word], when you [description of situation]. I would like [desired course of action]".

Such statements are beneficial for a couple of reasons. First off they require you to think about the situation critically while you're composing the statement, which helps you have a better understanding of your actual goals as you move forward with the conversation.

More importantly they frame things in a way that is much less likely to put people on the defensive. The speaker is taking ownership for their feelings and is talking about, not demanding, a particular solution. This gives the recipient time to respond without needing to defend themself or their actions. This being said I personally don't think that establishing boundaries is your actual goal.

It seems to me that what you really want is to not feel insecure about your partner crossing emotional lines with their friends and hurting you. It might be beneficial to reframe the conversation to be about finding a way to feel secure, with boundaries as a potential solution, rather than having your only goal being creating boundaries.

When I've talked to my partners about my insecurities regarding their other relationships I've found that this is helpful to me since sometimes all I need is for my partner to acknowledge and empathize with how I'm feeling.

Having been in the boyfriend's shoes, I recommend that you take the time to understand what your boyfriend gains from his female friends BEFORE you start telling him how you feel about the situation. You're asking your boyfriend to change a fundamental behavior and change his interactions with people that possibly pre-date your relationship.

This is a big change that warrants taking the time to understand his side of the story. Personally, in general, I prefer female friends some times, because all of the constant one upping and ball busting behavior with guys my age gets on my nerves.

Some times when I hang out with the guys, it suddenly feels really competitive and like everyone is trying to assert their dominance. My wife feels the same way when she hangs out with some of her female friends. I have a theory on the "I don't know it just happens. Another guy on the thread does too. And that does, actually, happen. And actually, there's the interest thing pottery guy but if you have a circumstances like this where no matter what, it seems to keep happening, sometimes there's a more psychosocial reason.

There is often a limit to the way straight men are allowed to interact with each other emotionally due to toxic masculinity, an adherence to traditional gender roles that restrict the kinds of emotions allowable for males to express in social situations. It hasn't always been that way but that is how it is now. Get too soft, too emotional, too vulnerable, too close, and you could be considered "feminine" or "gay" - the ultimate transgressions against traditional masculinity. The incomparable Tony Porter founder and CEO of A Call To Men, an sexual violence education and prevention organization focuses on healthy manhood specifically dealing with countering negative outcomes in the current socialization of boys in terms of respect, emotionality, understanding and understanding of the culture, deconstructs how the threat of being "girly" is used as a weapon against young men and how it represses their ability to connect with each other in his talks very simply.

They aren't safe with each other not because there's something wrong with boys. There's not. The lesson's they're taught though, "Boys don't cry" "Be a man" "Suck it up" lead to a shared culture of emotional containment even when friendships develop.

For a large number of men, friendships will not provide a safe or comfortable place for vulnerability and openness because of messages they received from family, friends, peers, older adults around them, the media, and society at large. Many of men who find themselves in those circumstances tend to rely on their romantic partner for all their emotional support because that's where it's "allowed" to feel things and share etc. Now, of course, thats not the case of every man!

Plenty of men are able to be vulnerable and connect with their friends, to lean on them for support and create deep bonds that go beyond social activities. The socialization is still there - the pressure of manhood behavior expectations exist even in close relationships, even if a given friend unit give that expectation the bird and share their souls to each other on the regular.

Toxic masculinity has an influence that can linger and for some, it's a fact of life. However, there are a different set of restrictions for women and so women aren't like that in their friendships.

Their socialization is different. Friendships between women often foster emotionality tend to train women to foster that open communication and support style in their relationships more frequently. Why's that matter? If it's okay for a man to connect with women, why shouldn't he create friendships with them out of those connections? No reason at all because closing off is proved to be counterproductive to psychological and physical wellness and that closeness is not limited to family and partners.

We all need friends and as a lady, you are probably aware that women kick ass. He seems to realize this too. Good for him. I said all of that to say this: there is a very distinct possibility that your boyfriend has a high number of female friends because he's an emotionally in touch human being who wants and values friends he can connect with emotionally but because of the way the current masculine paradigm socializes its boys from the day they're born, has a harder time making meaningful friendships with men than with women.

Which is shitty because it shouldn't be so hard for men to open up to each other but according to all my guy friends? It is very very hard but it's much easier with girls. Only stresses the point. If he has a lot of female friends, and you believe him when he tells you they are truly friends And why wouldn't you believe him when he tells you they are friends?

Has he ever lied to you before? Has he given you a reason not to trust him? It's been two years. You don't have to like them or know them but do you know him, so you can use your best judgement there. If so, the problem does NOT come from him or his friends or even from your jealousy itself but the structure of society as it currently functioning. That in no way diminishes this problem at all or the pain you feel.

What it does is changes what kind of solution your problem needs. If this is the reality of the source and type of friendships he has, then he's doing nothing wrong and you're doing nothing wrong - the world is wrong.

But since you can't fix the world right now, if that is the source of your current problem, then your solutions become about acceptance and changing perspective and shifting your attitude and understanding. That sucks a big one because changing oneself is a much much harder thing to do than agreeing on phone calls and meeting times. I think you were well on your way to the same conclusion. That's way more than I've seen people react to this sort of thing and considering the fact that you WERE yelling at him and now have moved forward to I statements and changing your own behavior, there is a very real possibility that you and your relationship are both having awful growing pains against the bounds of the existing very small heteronormative box of what you think interpersonal relationships should look like between men and women.

You are bigger than those norms are and I think you know that because you seem very aware that your jealousy-based anxieties don't make sense completely logical sense. Because of that, I hope you will remember that we girls also get awful messages that poured into our heads from the cradle - in particular about Other Women as predatory competition, man-stealers, and that only way for men and women to meaningfully interact is romantically and sexually we are flooded with by movies and tv and the internet inescapably.

I'm sorry I dont have any specific suggestion about how to go about fixing your circumstances. I hope you'll consider these more abstract aspects when you're facing this very concrete problem.

I don't have the whole picture but if it applies, I hope it may help give you a new lens with which to examine your feelings, options and possibly your situation as a whole. Before I answer the question directly, I want to say that I'm sorry for what you're going through and how you might be feeling.

I also want to say that this isn't likely to go well for you. Well yeah- that's usually how it works. People don't usually fall in love with someone else purposefully ; it just happens. You might as well tell him to shield his eyes when he goes to the coffee shop because he may become smitten at first sight with the barista- that happens for people all the time, though usually not for people in committed relationships.

You could also reason that it'd be appropriate to ask him to refrain from small talk with pretty women because who knows what could come from it. Now, you may argue that I'm exaggerating a bit, and you'd be correct.

I can’t come to terms with my boyfriend’s female friendships

Copyright Singapore Press Holdings Ltd. Regn No E. All rights reserved. Here are seven situations you should look out for, then have a chat with your man to allay your fears about them.

Now what? You might be surprised to know a boyfriend with female friends is a good thing. Of course, you have scumbags that are sleeping with all those friends, but for the most part, these guys are good if you can get past your insecurities.

A sensitive and common issue for women is when they are confronted by the reality that their man has a best girl friend or multiple female friends. Women begin to ask questions such as, is she prettier than me? Is he attracted to her? Does she like him?

"My Boyfriend Has Almost Entirely Female Friends"—Is This a Problem?

Questions like: How close is he to that female friend? How often do they hang out? Do they spend time alone? How sexy is she? Is she single? What do they do together? Does she flirt with him?

Can Men Have Female Friends In Relationships?

In a recent Reddit thread , a woman asked whether she should be worried about the disproportionate number of women among her boyfriend's friends. While having friends of the opposite sex may seem completely innocent, she cited some pretty suspicious-sounding behavior. He tells these friends he loves them over social media and once shared a bed with a friend who also happens to be his ex. The poster wondered if she should she be concerned, or if the green monster was just getting the best of her?

Are you having a hard time dealing with your boyfriend's female friends?

Being with a guy who has close female friends can get really tricky. I want them to know that me putting up boundaries has nothing to do with them. These friends were obviously in his life before I came along and I respect that.

Yes, Your Boyfriend Is Allowed To Have Female Friends

By using our site, you acknowledge that you have read and understand our Cookie Policy , Privacy Policy , and our Terms of Service. Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for people looking to improve their interpersonal communication skills. It only takes a minute to sign up. My boyfriend and I have been together happily for two years now.

You must master your jealously or it will play havoc with your relationship, says Mariella Frostrup. Ten days before this he invited a female golfing colleague to his house for a curry albeit with his male lodger. It sends out the wrong message, and if he feels this is acceptable, what else is he capable of? My mind is running riot. I know I have trust issues — my ex was unfaithful at least six times, and the reason I found out about the pornographic text was because I checked his phone.

Subscribe to RSS

It is common to start feeling jealous if your partner is having a good time with someone of the opposite sex. But, before you jump to conclusions, remember that jealousy is a killer for any relationship. Every healthy relationship is built on trust and includes showing respect towards his family, friends, and colleagues, and vice versa. It is important that he trusts you, just like it is necessary for you to have faith in him if a long-term relationship is what you both are interested in. By accepting his female friends, you are showing that you have an open-mind and that you trust him enough to be around other people. This can not only create a stronger bond between you two but also be more accepting towards each-other. Being open to the fact that your boyfriend has female friends can reinforce trust in your relationship. He will appreciate the fact you trust him, but you will do the same also.

If you've been looking for a guy that gets you, this type of boyfriend is your best chance. 2. He respects women. Do you honestly think he'd have any female friends.

Should we share our discomfort with our man? Rebecca is in a similar situation. They have known each other for over 10 years now, and he spends so much money on her. And each time I bring this up, we fight.

Can men have female friends? My boyfriend has a lot of female friends. If I were sixteen I'd be in a perpetual panic about the sea of hot, smart, funny women he calls his friends.

Even the most stable and healthy relationships can be rocked to their cores when one partner has a close friendship with a member of the opposite sex. If your boyfriend has a female friend you may wonder if he is cheating on you. You may also experience feelings of jealousy about the time he spends with her.

Сотни людей стояли на коленях перед алтарем, принимая причастие.

Мысли его вернулись к Кармен. Перед глазами возникло ее гибкое тело, темные загорелые бедра, приемник, который она включала на всю громкость, слушая томную карибскую музыку. Он улыбнулся. Может, заскочить на секунду, когда просмотрю эти отчеты.

Мысли его метались. Он, конечно, с легкостью мог набрать код лифта и отправить Сьюзан домой, но она нужна ему. Она должна помочь ему найти ключ в компьютере Хейла. Стратмор пока не сказал ей, что этот ключ представляет для него отнюдь не только академический интерес. Он думал, что сможет обойтись без ее участия - принимая во внимание ее склонность к самостоятельности - и сам найдет этот ключ, но уже столкнулся с проблемами, пытаясь самостоятельно запустить Следопыта. Рисковать еще раз ему не хотелось. - Сьюзан, - в его голосе послышалась решимость, - я прошу тебя помочь мне найти ключ Хейла.

Вдоволь посмеявшись, он исчез бы насовсем, превратившись в легенду Фонда электронных границ. Сьюзан стукнула кулаком по столу: - Нам необходимо это кольцо. Ведь на нем - единственный экземпляр ключа! - Теперь она понимала, что нет никакой Северной Дакоты, как нет и копии ключа.

Comments: 3
  1. Moogugrel

    I hope, you will come to the correct decision.

  2. Najas

    It agree, this amusing message

  3. Duzuru

    What necessary words... super, remarkable idea

Thanks! Your comment will appear after verification.
Add a comment

© 2020 Online - Advisor on specific issues.