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How to not let a guy consume you

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Love your partner fiercely, but always follow your unique dreams and desires. Be true to yourself. Not only because I was with the wrong men and kept trying to make things work where there was no way, but also because I was a queen of justifying, accommodating, and compromising. I accommodated men because I wanted to be liked and avoid rejection.

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To Every Woman, Do Not Allow Him To Consume You

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I spent every breathing moment consumed with a man, unable to listen to those who watched me struggle. I spent five years doing everything I could to try to force a man to love me, and in the process I forgot how to love myself.

For five years I chased. I begged. I cried. Nothing seemed to work. He would come around when he wanted sex but would push me away when he got his fix. It was a never-ending cycle of depression and humiliation.

But how could he not? I treated myself with so little love and respect, why would he treat me any different? I was afraid that if I did he would forget me. For five years I lived in fear of losing someone I deeply loved but never really had in the first place.

And then I got pregnant, in the midst of the chaos and passion that was our on-and-off relationship. Everyone around me pressured me to have an abortion. While everyone told me he was going to bail again, I vouched for him. I broke off friendships and I fought with those who dared to accuse his character. He hurt me during the most vulnerable time in my life.

Then months later he told me he loved me. We did this back and forth game throughout my entire pregnancy. It was draining. It was humiliating.

It was hurtful. But every time he left I chased him because it was the only thing I knew how to do. I chased him out of embarrassment for how others would see me. Although I was able to pull him in a couple more times after my son was born, only to be pushed away weeks later, I still held on to hope that one day he was going to wake up and realize he loved me. And the three of us would finally be a family.

That never happened, of course. My son and I never got that family. And I now know we never will. I think the hardest part of this five-year ordeal was accepting that my perspective of reality was just a fantasy I had created in my mind. For the longest time I held on to this idea of love and my ex.

I put him and our connection on a pedestal. I idolized and worshiped every part of him. But when he blocked me from his life, leaving our son fatherless, that pedestal came crashing down, smashing every dream and every good feeling I had for him.

Part of me hates myself for holding on for so long. If only I had tried harder. If only I had been nicer. If only. It took me years to accept that his actions had nothing to do with me. Just like my uncontrollable behavior and emotional instability was beyond him, his actions were about him and him only. He had his first two children in his early twenties. He then had his third child with another woman in his late twenties, and then he had our son in his mid thirties.

Four children. Three different women. Three different sets of circumstances and times in his life. All the same result. It was never about my son and me. There is nothing I could have done. There is nothing I could have been. Or more precisely, him kicking us out the door. He is now in love with someone else. As expected, a baby-free someone else. And he is committed to her—which proves that when a man wants to commit, he will commit. There is no need for us to beg and chase him.

But the most important thing we can do for ourselves is accept that certain things are beyond our control and take responsibility for the things that are. We need to listen to that inner voice that tells us we deserve to be loved. And we need to accept that some people will never love us, no matter what we do. The grief and the pain will eventually pass. And this will open the door for us to find someone else who will truly love us and give us everything we wanted with our ex.

But first we have to give up hope. It will never be the way we want it to be. If I had spent the last five years putting the same amount of effort into myself as I did chasing, controlling, and trying to get my ex to love me, I would have been president of the United States by now. I will never get the last five years back. It was a lot of wasted time and it was a lot of wasted effort.

Brisa Pinho is a project manager, aspiring writer, and single mother of a baby boy. She lives in Los Angeles and when she is not changing diapers and putting out temper tantrums, she is drinking wine and over-analyzing her life. She can be found at www. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. The content on Tiny Buddha is designed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment.

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Think Web Strategy. I was wrong. I chased him out of fear. I chased him for me. I chased him for our son. I chased him for the home and family I had built in my mind for so many years. And most importantly: I chased him because I was emotionally sick. I spent another year trying to force him to be a dad.

Wasted time is wasted life. About Brisa Pinho Brisa Pinho is a project manager, aspiring writer, and single mother of a baby boy. Web More Posts. See a typo or inaccuracy? Please contact us so we can fix it! Did you enjoy this post? Please share the wisdom :. Free Download: Buddha Desktop Wallpaper. Taking A Break Obsession, idealization, or what is the reason behind all of this?

How to get rid of corruption in a MNC Intense anger at people maybe high expectations I am so heartbroken and I dont know what to do! Disclaimer This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. Who Runs Tiny Buddha? Design by Joshua Denney.

Dating Advice: How Not to Lose Yourself in a Relationship

There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. Last Updated on April 15,

One of the most important skills in life is learning how to stop thinking about someone. Everyone wants to forget someone — an ex girlfriend or boyfriend, a toxic friend, an abusive relative, the list goes on. Sometimes distractions help, like talking to new, understanding people.

Do not allow him to consume you, it is the consumption that will kill your soul, that will destroy your self respect, that will take from you when you are not looking. Sometimes love attacks you in ways you least expect it, and the person who said that love is not a destructive thing lied to you — love can be a terribly destructive thing, only if you let it. If he does not call, go to sleep. If he does not message, put your phone away and have a fantastic day anyway. If he tries to insinuate you do not need your friends now that you have him, never stop spending time with your friends.

How To Stop Thinking About Someone: 10 Steps

I'm about to tell you what your friends have kept silent about and what you've been in denial of. You're absent from your social life, you're constantly wondering where you guys stand, you've put your responsibilities on the back burner, and you'll drop everything in a second — for him. He may seem like the best thing that's ever happened to you, but there's a difference between being infatuated and being in control of your infatuation. You are not in control right now, and you need to rein it in. The thing is, if he cares about you , the signs will be more obvious than the occasional texts you're receiving. He won't leave you guessing if he's serious about you. Part of the fun of dating is the uncertainty and chase that comes with it, but know when it's a total game that you're not winning. I understand the feeling you get when you hear from him and the anxiety that takes over when he hasn't stuck to his patterns.

When Someone You Love is Toxic – How to Let Go, Without Guilt

I spent every breathing moment consumed with a man, unable to listen to those who watched me struggle. I spent five years doing everything I could to try to force a man to love me, and in the process I forgot how to love myself. For five years I chased. I begged. I cried.

If toxic people were an ingestible substance, they would come with a high-powered warning and secure packaging to prevent any chance of accidental contact. Sadly, families are not immune to the poisonous lashings of a toxic relationship.

There are many reasons you may find yourself obsessing over a guy. You might constantly wonder how much a new boyfriend or crush likes you. Or, you might even have a hard time moving on from an ex.

9 Ways to Stop Obsessing Over Someone: Guy or Girl

If you're anything like me, the minute you commit yourself to a partner, everything starts to revolve around him or her. You want to make sure you meet his or her needs, but you're also unconsciously always thinking of ways to make him or her happy. You genuinely like striving to be the perfect partner.

This is all totally natural, and fun… in most cases. We tend to put new love interests on a pedestal and romanticize everything about them. While these feelings are natural in certain cases, they can also spiral out of control and have a negative impact on your self-esteem and mental health, says relationship expert, Britanny Burr. Keep reading. It is easy to only see their good qualities when our heart is doing the thinking for us.

9 Effective Ways to Prevent Yourself from Obsessing Over a Crush

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Jan 19, - No Contact Rule. We've all been there — you may feel tempted to contact the person and stir the pot of emotions again. Don't fall into  Missing: consume ‎| Must include: consume.

Falling in love is something most of us yearn for. We want to fall in love with someone that motivates us and makes our walk through life much happier. I know sometimes it can be difficult, especially if you find yourself facing challenges in the love department. Love can sometimes be an addictive emotion. The result is that a woman will be left chasing a guy, desperately trying to make him fall in love.

Make Him Fall In Love! The Right Way!

 - Он нахмурился, глаза его сузились.  - Сегодня суббота. Чем мы обязаны. Хейл невинно улыбнулся: - Просто хотел убедиться, что ноги меня еще носят.

Чем скорее будет найден ключ и все закончится, тем лучше для. Сьюзан потеряла счет времени, потраченного на ожидание Следопыта. Два часа.

Сомнения, которые его одолевали, исчезли, как только он встретился с коммандером Стратмором.

Клушар закрыл глаза, силы покинули. Он едва дышал. - Хоть что-нибудь, - настаивал Беккер.  - Может, вы знаете имя этой женщины. Клушар некоторое время молчал, потом потер правый висок.

 Утечка информации. - Никаких изменений. Внезапно Мидж судорожно указала на экран. - Смотрите. На экран выплыла надпись: КЛЮЧ К ШИФРУ-УБИЙЦЕ ПОДТВЕРЖДЕН - Укрепить защитные стены! - приказал Джабба. Но Соши, опередив его, уже отдала команду.

В пьяной драке Хейл случайно убил сослуживца. Корейское искусство самозащиты, тхеквондо, оказалось в большей мере смертоносным, нежели оборонительным. Военной службе пришел конец.

Comments: 2
  1. Voodoozragore

    It was and with me. Let's discuss this question. Here or in PM.

  2. Voodoohn

    Here those on! First time I hear!

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