Dont need a man to validate me
An unlikely bromance between two reformed playas becomes the source of an in-depth look at the ways of philandering men. Few took greater advantage of their celebrity than the authors of this Tyrese and Rev are the unlikeliest of best friends—Rev is married with six kids and Tyrese is a single dad still hesitant to settle down. But after an unexpected argument in which Rev insisted that marriage is forever, and Tyrese countered that you could bail when the sex went bad, the two decided not just to agree to disagree, but to team up and open their debate to a larger audience.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: You Don't Have To Prove Yourself - Pastor Steven Furtick
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: the NEED for Acceptance Will Make You INVISIBLE - Jim CarreyContent:
- Hey there, I’m Sim
- 5 Things Women Want That Men Aren’t Ready to Hear
- You Don’t Need A Man To Make You Feel Complete; You Complete Yourself.
- You don’t need external validation to build self-confidence
- How I Realized That I Needed The Opinions Of Men To Validate How I Felt About Myself
- The psychology behind seeking validation (and Why YOU need it?)
- I Don’t Need Validation From Men, I Need It From Everyone
Speak your heart out. Trying to please people will drain your energy. Mark questioned if the food will be good. Neither of us had tried the food at this place before. Yet, I nodded in agreement like a cute dog.
Similarly, you might regularly confirm your choice of clothes with someone else. You want people to think well of you. You desire to get accepted by others and feel accomplished. You mostly hang out with people with similar taste and that agree with you. You want to have fulfilling relationships and feel loved by friends and family. We share photos and update statuses in the hope of getting approved by our Facebook friends.
It only fuels your frustration. Via Giphy. I was judgemental about people sharing their feelings and thought of them as losers.
The truth is that most of us seek such validation occasionally. Your casual tap on their shoulders might give them the strength to step outside their comfort zones. If someone shares their feelings with you, it means that they trust you. Your first response should be empathetic by saying things like:. Occasionally, you might choose to value yourself based on the opinion of your in-group.
If you regularly seek such validation, then it might escalate to become your NEED. It might start affecting your everyday choices. Your sole goal might change into pleasing people around you — even if it conflicts with your internal values and feelings.
You might face performance anxiety and get depressed based on what others think of you. Self-improvement publications try to tackle the low-value issue by providing frameworks for practicing self-acceptance. They throw advice to rewire your brain to stop depending on others. Just identify your unique talents. Well, the advice sounds good in theory. You completely get rid of approval by others. You appreciate your skills, talent, and personality.
You create personal goals and knock them out of the park. YOU become the centerpiece of every argument. Let me show you a couple of such instances:. Your line of thought: Women are bitches. Instead of simply changing your validation source, search and identify the underlying cause. And you need not end up going down cliched life paths due to the herd instinct. At this stage, you also need to remain mindful.
If you go by the traditional validation advice, you might end up rationalizing every life decision. The tendency to look at new evidence in a way that confirms your existing hypothesis, while conveniently ignoring the facts that violate your ideologies, has a fancy name in psychology:. Confirmation bias. Even the best of us have fallen for this bias. Even Donald Trump repeats his arguments couple or more times. Now, you know why. The goal is to let your voice flourish while allowing space for feedback.
Your friend might ask you about gymming, writing, relationships or any other aspect of life. Instead, give them a pat on the back and help them overcome fear. Such feelings are inherent within all of us. Just upload the fucking picture on Facebook or seek whatever external validation cues are available. Remember not to let external validation go too far. Else, you give people around you the permission to determine your worth and value.
In such cases, find out the insecurities holding you back and work ground up to build your identity. Even when you practice such internal validation, beware not to give in to confirmation bias.
At some point you truly need the validation of others, not only for mental health but also to maintain a job or even just exist as a confident person in a socially driven world.
Someone may compliment my hair, but my appearance is not something I take pride in so it does not register in my brain as validation, even though it was intended to validate me. Validation is a large part of what drives us to succeed so this becomes a huge problem for me. You need self validation to be mentally healthy but also validation from others to succeed outside in the world.
I wish more people would write articles like this. Not that you need my validation ; P but this is a really well written article on self-validation. I have been reading through some of the other articles in order to positively change my need for external validation and I never considered the possibility of it creating a confirmation bias. It made me realize that balance is truly the key to creating a healthy me. Thanks for this!
Just a thought that popped into my mind by the way, I think that most people who read the other articles will be fine due to never truly being able to escape the need for validation from others. I feel as though the old needs for validation from others pulls just hard enough to stop most in the middle of the spectrum.
This being said, I wish your article was the common instead of the other way around, because having your mindset is more likely to breed long lasting success. I used to think self actualization is a space where you are like some some guru on a mountain top not needing anyone but yourself. However, over time as part of the maturation process, I think we can leave our families and their belief systems to create our own. We move towards a more validating environment for ourselves, finding friends and creating experiences which help us reach self actualization.
Wow, this article is so great! I would question whether or not my condition on trying to get others to accept me was normal or unhealthy. Dressing a certain way to get more and more attention. And the efforts to demonstrate myself as a high value individual felt a bit exhausting when done solely for the approval of others. Why am I trying so hard to impress? Why am I always searching for presteige? To have that balance of knowing yourself, but being open to others.
Everything in life seems to have a healthy, natural balance. Thanks much for stopping by. Without a careful consideration, the idea can affect every aspect of our life. I know it must have been incredibly difficult for you to consider external validation. More power to you Georgia! Haha, Cody thanks for the validation.
It also depends on the area of life where you seek external information and your worldview. In that light, I think both the external and internal aspects are necessary. Thanks for reading, Jude. Self-improvement advice can occasionally overwhelm you. Which is nice. But they extend the advice to stop all the approval seeking. You borrow the idea of stopping external validation. Then, you end up stressing over your basic human need which will arise at some point in some form.
Great article Chitan! This really, really resonated with me. You keep up the good work. It is a very good written fact. I used it as my sword and shield fighting all my so called version of narrow minded people.
But as you said before, we are human and we have our own flaws and they are the things that make us human. Really, really appreciate it!
Thanks so much for reading and adding your insights. Turns out, seeking validation and encouragement are everyday activities for most of us.
It has gotten a bad name due to a backlash by self-improvement blogs against it. Here we go. Why we seek validation on Facebook and in our everyday conversations?
Hey there, I’m Sim
I wrote this in response to a post from David at How to Beast. I had this problem myself for many years. Mainly, you care too much about the opinions of other people. Not only their opinions, but their approval.
You need to stop thinking that you need to be in a relationship to actually have a life that is worth living. You really have to focus on building a life of your own that you can be proud of. Live your own life to the fullest — regardless if that life is one that has romantic relationships in it or not. You are the one who gets to call the shots.
5 Things Women Want That Men Aren’t Ready to Hear
Trying to figure out how to stop seeking validation was always impossible for me. This crumb would not only save me from myself, but it would invalidate everyone and everything that had ever caused me pain including the cynical audience in my head. Life could finally begin. Validation seeking is a form of perfectionism and perfection is the lowest standard that you can ever hold yourself to. We become perfection-addicted because deep down, we know that we can never be perfect. So what do we do? Must be chosen. Must prove wrong.
You Don’t Need A Man To Make You Feel Complete; You Complete Yourself.
Some of us care way too much about what other people think of us. We could all learn to care a little bit less about the opinion of others. You march to the beat of your own drum. You do things your way, and people either love that quality in you, or they hate it.
You don’t need external validation to build self-confidence
When we get rejected, treated poorly, or someone blows hot and cold in a relationship with us, we often become stuck and fixated on that person. Usually when this happens, our interest in this person turns into a fevered obsession and we go to great lengths to get them to notice us. We will engage in shape shifting behaviours, where we stop being ourselves and try to turn into whatever we think they might like best. We will jump through hoop after hoop hoping to demonstrate just how special and unique we are, so that they will change their minds about us.
Let me explain. Disastrous relationships are nothing new for me. My past is riddled with complicated, codependent, and crazy encounters. Never before have I been more wrong. Like any self-help junkie, I made it my business to learn everything I could about the philosophy behind what I hoped would save my relationship.
How I Realized That I Needed The Opinions Of Men To Validate How I Felt About Myself
Building self-confidence is just one component in the lifelong journey of self improvement. Be sure to check out my foundational posts as well:. What is validation and what is its relationship to having and building self-confidence? Validation can mean a couple of different things. Validation in one sense is the human need to know that your thoughts and feelings are okay. Being validated in that sense gives us reassurance that what we think and feel is reasonable to think and feel. Being validated in this sense lays the foundation for feeling understood, which is essential for everyone. It helps in forming connections with other people and is a part of all wholesome relationships.
What women wanted in their relationships 30 years ago is not the same as what they want today. With gender equality the role of women has changed hugely. However many relationships continue to use the same relationship blueprint from this other age.
The psychology behind seeking validation (and Why YOU need it?)
Дворик под названием Апельсиновый сад прославился благодаря двум десяткам апельсиновых деревьев, которые приобрели в городе известность как место рождения английского мармелада. В XVI11 веке некий английский купец приобрел у севильской церкви три десятка бушелей апельсинов и, привезя их в Лондон, обнаружил, что фрукты горькие и несъедобные. Он попытался сделать из апельсиновой кожуры джем, но чтобы можно было взять его в рот, в него пришлось добавить огромное количество сахара. Так появился апельсиновый мармелад.
I Don’t Need Validation From Men, I Need It From Everyone
Может быть, все-таки скажете что-нибудь. Что помогло бы мне? - сказал Беккер. Росио покачала головой: - Это. Но вам ее не найти.
Скажите, что мы сдаемся. Немедленно! - Джабба достал из кармана мобильник. - Давайте мне его номер. Я сам позвоню этому… - Не беспокойтесь, - прошептала Сьюзан.
Поэтому я хочу узнать мнение специалиста. - Что ж, - сказал Джабба, - мне неприятно первым тебя разочаровать, но твои данные неверны. - Ты так думаешь. - Могу биться об заклад. - Он откусил кусок пирога и заговорил с набитым ртом. - Максимальное время, которое ТРАНСТЕКСТ когда-либо тратил на один файл, составляет три часа.
Н-нет… Не думаю… - Голос его дрожал. Беккер склонился над. - Вам плохо.