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Looking for girlfriend > Looking for a girlfriend > My boyfriend has a lot of pretty female friends

My boyfriend has a lot of pretty female friends

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Questions like: How close is he to that female friend? How often do they hang out? Do they spend time alone? How sexy is she? Is she single?

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: What To Do When Your Boyfriend Has Female Friends?

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Dear Jealous Girlfriend... Maybe She IS "Just a Friend"

The Complicated Psychology of Men Who Only Have Female Friends

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My boyfriend and I have been together happily for two years now. We both love each other very much and we're always growing closer. We're planning to move in together in a few months, but for these whole two years we've always had one underlying issue.

My boyfriend has always had close female friends. It seems no matter where he goes or what he does he's always befriending more girls. I know that he would never do anything to hurt me on purpose, but I can't help but be afraid that he'll unknowingly cross some emotional line and become too close to them. I've tried to bring this up with him, but he always acts defensive and the conversation ends up going nowhere.

He'll use arguments scarily similar to the ones being made in this question though not nearly to that extent. How can I successfully let him know how I feel so we can have a productive conversation about boundaries without him immediately getting defensive? My ideal goal from a conversation like this would be to compromise on boundaries between him and other girls.

Again, when I've tried this in the past by being straightforward he gets defensive and asks me why I can't trust him to be smart about these things.

From my perspective, it seems like he should have respect for me enough not to put himself in potentially compromising situations like for example, being alone with a girl in her apartment or her room. First off with how you are talking to us about it you are framing it as a confrontation. Which is exactly what you said you want to avoid.

If you go into the conversation looking to confront your boyfriend then you are framing it as a hostile or argumentative meeting which basically requires him to be on the defensive. Think about what your actual goal for the conversation is.

Is it to have a confrontation with your boyfriend, or do you want to not feel insecure about their female friends? This segues well into my second point. You've already had conversations like this before. Your boyfriend already knows how you feel about their friends. If the goal was simply to let him know how you feel, you've already done that.

It seems to me like the conversation is more about trying to get him to establish some boundaries with his friends.

When talking to partners about my insecurities I've found it helpful to have a solid understanding of my goal for having the conversation before starting. The easiest way to not make your partner defensive when starting a conversation like this one is to use I statements.

These are statements of the form "I feel [feeling word], when you [description of situation]. I would like [desired course of action]". Such statements are beneficial for a couple of reasons. First off they require you to think about the situation critically while you're composing the statement, which helps you have a better understanding of your actual goals as you move forward with the conversation.

More importantly they frame things in a way that is much less likely to put people on the defensive. The speaker is taking ownership for their feelings and is talking about, not demanding, a particular solution. This gives the recipient time to respond without needing to defend themself or their actions.

This being said I personally don't think that establishing boundaries is your actual goal. It seems to me that what you really want is to not feel insecure about your partner crossing emotional lines with their friends and hurting you. It might be beneficial to reframe the conversation to be about finding a way to feel secure, with boundaries as a potential solution, rather than having your only goal being creating boundaries. When I've talked to my partners about my insecurities regarding their other relationships I've found that this is helpful to me since sometimes all I need is for my partner to acknowledge and empathize with how I'm feeling.

Having been in the boyfriend's shoes, I recommend that you take the time to understand what your boyfriend gains from his female friends BEFORE you start telling him how you feel about the situation. You're asking your boyfriend to change a fundamental behavior and change his interactions with people that possibly pre-date your relationship.

This is a big change that warrants taking the time to understand his side of the story. Personally, in general, I prefer female friends some times, because all of the constant one upping and ball busting behavior with guys my age gets on my nerves. Some times when I hang out with the guys, it suddenly feels really competitive and like everyone is trying to assert their dominance. My wife feels the same way when she hangs out with some of her female friends. I have a theory on the "I don't know it just happens.

Another guy on the thread does too. And that does, actually, happen. And actually, there's the interest thing pottery guy but if you have a circumstances like this where no matter what, it seems to keep happening, sometimes there's a more psychosocial reason.

There is often a limit to the way straight men are allowed to interact with each other emotionally due to toxic masculinity, an adherence to traditional gender roles that restrict the kinds of emotions allowable for males to express in social situations. It hasn't always been that way but that is how it is now.

Get too soft, too emotional, too vulnerable, too close, and you could be considered "feminine" or "gay" - the ultimate transgressions against traditional masculinity. The incomparable Tony Porter founder and CEO of A Call To Men, an sexual violence education and prevention organization focuses on healthy manhood specifically dealing with countering negative outcomes in the current socialization of boys in terms of respect, emotionality, understanding and understanding of the culture, deconstructs how the threat of being "girly" is used as a weapon against young men and how it represses their ability to connect with each other in his talks very simply.

They aren't safe with each other not because there's something wrong with boys. There's not. The lesson's they're taught though, "Boys don't cry" "Be a man" "Suck it up" lead to a shared culture of emotional containment even when friendships develop.

For a large number of men, friendships will not provide a safe or comfortable place for vulnerability and openness because of messages they received from family, friends, peers, older adults around them, the media, and society at large.

Many of men who find themselves in those circumstances tend to rely on their romantic partner for all their emotional support because that's where it's "allowed" to feel things and share etc. Now, of course, thats not the case of every man!

Plenty of men are able to be vulnerable and connect with their friends, to lean on them for support and create deep bonds that go beyond social activities. The socialization is still there - the pressure of manhood behavior expectations exist even in close relationships, even if a given friend unit give that expectation the bird and share their souls to each other on the regular.

Toxic masculinity has an influence that can linger and for some, it's a fact of life. However, there are a different set of restrictions for women and so women aren't like that in their friendships. Their socialization is different. Friendships between women often foster emotionality tend to train women to foster that open communication and support style in their relationships more frequently.

Why's that matter? If it's okay for a man to connect with women, why shouldn't he create friendships with them out of those connections? No reason at all because closing off is proved to be counterproductive to psychological and physical wellness and that closeness is not limited to family and partners.

We all need friends and as a lady, you are probably aware that women kick ass. He seems to realize this too. Good for him. I said all of that to say this: there is a very distinct possibility that your boyfriend has a high number of female friends because he's an emotionally in touch human being who wants and values friends he can connect with emotionally but because of the way the current masculine paradigm socializes its boys from the day they're born, has a harder time making meaningful friendships with men than with women.

Which is shitty because it shouldn't be so hard for men to open up to each other but according to all my guy friends? It is very very hard but it's much easier with girls. Only stresses the point. If he has a lot of female friends, and you believe him when he tells you they are truly friends And why wouldn't you believe him when he tells you they are friends?

Has he ever lied to you before? Has he given you a reason not to trust him? It's been two years. You don't have to like them or know them but do you know him, so you can use your best judgement there. If so, the problem does NOT come from him or his friends or even from your jealousy itself but the structure of society as it currently functioning. That in no way diminishes this problem at all or the pain you feel.

What it does is changes what kind of solution your problem needs. If this is the reality of the source and type of friendships he has, then he's doing nothing wrong and you're doing nothing wrong - the world is wrong. But since you can't fix the world right now, if that is the source of your current problem, then your solutions become about acceptance and changing perspective and shifting your attitude and understanding.

That sucks a big one because changing oneself is a much much harder thing to do than agreeing on phone calls and meeting times. I think you were well on your way to the same conclusion. That's way more than I've seen people react to this sort of thing and considering the fact that you WERE yelling at him and now have moved forward to I statements and changing your own behavior, there is a very real possibility that you and your relationship are both having awful growing pains against the bounds of the existing very small heteronormative box of what you think interpersonal relationships should look like between men and women.

You are bigger than those norms are and I think you know that because you seem very aware that your jealousy-based anxieties don't make sense completely logical sense. Because of that, I hope you will remember that we girls also get awful messages that poured into our heads from the cradle - in particular about Other Women as predatory competition, man-stealers, and that only way for men and women to meaningfully interact is romantically and sexually we are flooded with by movies and tv and the internet inescapably.

I'm sorry I dont have any specific suggestion about how to go about fixing your circumstances. I hope you'll consider these more abstract aspects when you're facing this very concrete problem. I don't have the whole picture but if it applies, I hope it may help give you a new lens with which to examine your feelings, options and possibly your situation as a whole.

Before I answer the question directly, I want to say that I'm sorry for what you're going through and how you might be feeling. I also want to say that this isn't likely to go well for you. Well yeah- that's usually how it works. People don't usually fall in love with someone else purposefully ; it just happens.

You might as well tell him to shield his eyes when he goes to the coffee shop because he may become smitten at first sight with the barista- that happens for people all the time, though usually not for people in committed relationships. You could also reason that it'd be appropriate to ask him to refrain from small talk with pretty women because who knows what could come from it.

Now, you may argue that I'm exaggerating a bit, and you'd be correct.

Can Men Have Female Friends In Relationships?

Even the most stable and healthy relationships can be rocked to their cores when one partner has a close friendship with a member of the opposite sex. If your boyfriend has a female friend you may wonder if he is cheating on you. You may also experience feelings of jealousy about the time he spends with her. That's normal.

Understanding why some men are almost entirely friends with women requires an understanding of why they avoid male ones in the first place. Jared has had primarily female friends ever since he was a teenager, when his family moved to the edge of a rural East Texas town, far away from school, and he spent most of his time hanging out with his cousins, who were all girls.

By using our site, you acknowledge that you have read and understand our Cookie Policy , Privacy Policy , and our Terms of Service. Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for people looking to improve their interpersonal communication skills. It only takes a minute to sign up. My boyfriend and I have been together happily for two years now. We both love each other very much and we're always growing closer.

What It’s Like Dating A Guy Who Has A Lot Of Female Friends

In a recent Reddit thread , a woman asked whether she should be worried about the disproportionate number of women among her boyfriend's friends. While having friends of the opposite sex may seem completely innocent, she cited some pretty suspicious-sounding behavior. He tells these friends he loves them over social media and once shared a bed with a friend who also happens to be his ex. The poster wondered if she should she be concerned, or if the green monster was just getting the best of her? Most Redditors questioned not the friendships, but his conduct. The problem is he has absolutely no sense of normal human boundaries," wrote berrieh. On the other hand, Tarcanus offered, "men can often be oblivious in this manner — especially if they're social creatures who are just naturally friendly — which is how you describe your BF. So should his behavior be setting off alarm bells, or would confronting him about it be possessive? But, if you're emotionally intimate with those friends of the opposite sex, your girlfriend may feel that you're betraying her anyway.

The Men Who Have Mostly Female Friends

Tom, 27, first noticed that his friendships were skewing womanward in college. Friendships between men and women are on the rise in the U. He attributed the reported discrepancy to the subjectivity of relationships, and concluded that an equal percentage of men and women have platonic friendships. I attribute the difference to typical male hubris. Greif says that the number of men in platonic friendships with women has likely increased since he published Buddy System.

Being with a guy who has close female friends can get really tricky. I want them to know that me putting up boundaries has nothing to do with them.

FAQ on Coronavirus and Mefi : check before posting, cite sources; how to block content by tags. Current boyfriend has lots of female friends What about someone who is friends with many of their exes and still keeps up regular contact with them?

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Jealously is never an attractive quality, and when you're in a serious relationship, you never want to feel like a total green-eyed monster around your boyfriend. And you definitely don't want him to get jealous of you because that's just annoying. But sometimes you can't help but feel super envious

I swore it would never happen to me, but it did. My boyfriend has more female friends than male friends. He probably has more female friends than I do, which is pretty sad. He displays our relationship for the world to see and I love him more each and every day. But why do they flock to him?

Сьюзан отказывалась понимать. Не появится. - Но вы же позвонили… Стратмор позволил себе наконец засмеяться. - Трюк, старый как мир. Никуда я не звонил. ГЛАВА 83 Беккеровская веспа, без сомнения, была самым миниатюрным транспортным средством, когда-либо передвигавшимся по шоссе, ведущему в севильский аэропорт. Наибольшая скорость, которую она развивала, достигала 50 миль в час, причем делала это со страшным воем, напоминая скорее циркулярную пилу, а не мотоцикл, и, увы, ей не хватало слишком много лошадиных сил, чтобы взмыть в воздух. В боковое зеркало заднего вида он увидел, как такси выехало на темное шоссе в сотне метров позади него и сразу же стало сокращать дистанцию.

If this girl is in his friends circle, then there is a high probability that you have girl will explain a lot right off the bat: did he casually tell you by chance with, "Oh.

Так что вы хотите сказать. Джабба заглянул в распечатку. - Вот что я хочу сказать. Червь Танкадо не нацелен на наш банк данных.  - Он откашлялся.

Других слов для него у нее не. Стратмор оторвался от перил и переложил пистолет в правую руку. Не произнеся ни слова, он шагнул в темноту, Сьюзан изо всех сил держалась за его плечо.

Мрачный голос Стратмора вывел ее из задумчивости. - Единственный луч надежды во всей этой печальной истории - то, что Танкадо путешествовал. Есть шанс, что его партнер пока ничего не знает. Испанские власти обещали придержать информацию - столько, сколько смогут.

Она встала и направилась к двери. Хейл внезапно почувствовал беспокойство - скорее всего из-за необычного поведения Сьюзан.

Стратмор стукнул кулаком по столу. - Я должен был знать. Да взять хотя бы его электронное имя.  - Боже мой, Северная Дакота. Сокращенно NDAKOTA.

Я искренне верю, что только мы можем спасти этих людей от их собственного невежества. Сьюзан не совсем понимала, к чему он клонит. Коммандер устало опустил глаза, затем поднял их вновь. - Сьюзан, выслушай меня, - сказал он, нежно ей улыбнувшись.  - Возможно, ты захочешь меня прервать, но все же выслушай до конца.

 - Элементы, ответственные… У Дэвида Беккера, находившегося в трех тысячах миль от комнаты оперативного управления, загорелись. - Элементы! - воскликнул.  - Мы говорим о математике, а не об истории.

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